For the majority of years of my teen, young adult, early adult life I was a self prescribed open minded person. I took pride in my ability to not judge or blink an eye at the strange or obscure realities in the psyche’s of humans. There’s a saying we use in the facilitation of Yoga trainings and classes; we learn better, we do better. This is to point towards the idea that at one time we had a certain amount of information, then at a later date we acquired new or more information that required a shift in perspective or a change in our approach. This is what happened to me with Porn.
I didn’t think at that time that it was bad or wrong to watch porn. I never had strong opinions against it. I never felt particularly attached to it being good or bad. It was just something most adults did for “fun” or to ease sexual pressure. I didn’t realize how harmful it was until I was asked by my partner to stop using it. Since I wasn’t attached to it, it wasn’t a problem for me to leave it behind. The reality set in after many years of not watching it when I could still see in my mind the last two videos I had watched like I had seen them yesterday. This is terrifying to me. That I could casually utilize something that I didn’t think was a big deal and that it could occupy sacred space in my mind. The images burned into my minds eye.
What is also concerning is the affect that Porn has on the brain that is similar to other major addictions like illicit drugs. The frontal lobe of the brain is affected. This is the area of the brain associated with judgment and control (see a study here). Also stated in this study; “In 2005, Dr. Eric Nestler wrote a landmark paper describing all addiction as a dysfunction of the mesolimbic reward centers of the brain. Addiction occurs when pleasure/reward pathways are hijacked by exogenous drugs such as cocaine or opioids, or by natural processes essential and inherent to survival such as food and sex.”. Sure this paper/study isn’t as recent as I would like but it points to the affects that Porn has on the brain. This scientific article goes more in depth into other types of addictions like overeating and how these types of addictions hold the same areas of the brain as Porn does.
As a Yoga teacher and a spiritual person what I think about is mind control. In two ways; one being that the stimulus we take in; from social media, movies, news outlets, observing other humans behavior, the types of social situations we are involved in, the social groups we associate with and the types of behaviors accepted inside of them. Two; in the way that we learn to control the thoughts moving in and out of our minds. Yoga and other mindfulness practices encourages self awareness practice. In yoga self awareness is known as Svadhyaya. “The term comes from the Sanskrit roots sva, meaning "self" or "own," and adhyaya, meaning "lesson," "reading" or "lecture." It can also be interpreted as coming from the root dyhai, which means "meditate" or "contemplate." Both interpretations connote a close study of the self.” (Definition taken from Yogapedia) When we consider what we are taking in and therefore how it impacts what we put into the world the question then becomes “Is this helping or harming?”
It’s easy to pass off porn use as harmless. Though if we dig deeper what we find if we are honest is that it will change how we see our partner, how we see ourselves, and will give us unrealistic expectations on what intimacy and sex are supposed to be like. This makes me think of an old friend of mine that use to be part of the BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) community. She participated in many different experiences inside of what might be considered safe places to “play”. What stood out to me about her stories is that no matter what there is no going back. She will likely struggle to find “normal” sexual experiences sufficient enough. Similar to my own drug use in younger years; I stayed away from harder drugs than the ones I was using because I didn’t want to hit a point of no return. Therefore, I never used heroine intravenously because I knew the likelihood of never being myself again after doing so was high. I think we are setting ourselves up for future dysfunction and disappointment utilizing quick fixes. I now believe there is a point of no return.
Simply based off my own experience of Porn use to not using Porn and how it stuck with me. How much of peoples inabilities to find deep intimacy with partners stems from early porn usage? How much does porn affect peoples disillusion inside of their partnerships? How often do we as a species compare and contrast prospective mates based off a program running in the background like an app on our phone that we never clear that is still taking up bandwidth? How much of how we view ourselves and therein the rise in plastic surgery stem from some hypersexualized reality? Are we a species always looking for the next hit to satiate our brains rewards circuitry? The human mind always looking for stimulation so that we can get ourselves high.
Seems like it, doesn’t it? This points to the fact that we can get addicted to the chemicals our brains release based on external stimulus. We don’t need a substance taken in to become an addict. All we need is over stimulation. None of this concept is new for any of us. If you watched Social Dilemma on Netflix you know this. We get locked into loops of instant gratification and then we justify it. We find all sorts of reasons to find a way to keep using just to get a quick fix. A dopamine rush. Are we all addicts then?
If you like to geek out on Neuroscience and biohacking The Huberman Lab is a great podcast. Especially this episode. Dr Huberman talks a lot about dopamine and the circuitry of how our behaviors can be hijacked to cause negative side effects of always seeking another dopamine rush. The overstimulation has a very real affect on our brain and therefore what we seek out. We become programmed towards pleasure and have a very limited ability to find resilience in life’s most challenging times. Then we find ourselves making choices that have long term consequences simply because we are addicted to the chemical release our brain provides. Becoming a slave to our minds.
Then what is the solution? Like most things I believe it is a spiritual solution. I’m not pedaling any particular religion here, believe what you believe. What I’m saying is if we don’t believe on a deeper level that our needs will be met we will never find satisfaction in anything in life. We will always go searching for the next thing. We will need more and more stimulation to up level our experience. We then wont be able to be satiated in the simple moments of life. Taking a walk will be boring. We will need to drink to find connection and fun with our friends and we will need to use porn or vibrators to get off.
I’ve only ever been a purist when it comes to food and integrity but I’m realizing that purifying our minds lends to a more balanced life and therefore a life we feel more content inside of. The culture we live in is on a slippery slope. There has got to be a place of balance between the Puritan prudery and the over the top reality we currently live inside of. How do we find balance? Can we find relational health and vibrancy without over stimulation? Can we then teach this to our children without sexualizing them before their brains are developed? Can we not see that the path of over consumption of all things could set us up for a life of struggle and dissatisfaction?
I ask a lot of questions because I refuse to act like I have the answers to these big issues and yet I have concerns for the path we are walking as a species. I believe deeply that we came here to earth school to learn and to grow. I believe we chose this life exactly as it is with all of these trials and tribulations. I also think we have more choice than we realize. The biggest choice we have to make every day; is what I am spending my life force doing moment by moment life giving or life taking? Not just in the now but in the future. Not just for myself but for others. We can’t live in the past or the future but we can acknowledge that both have a bearing on the present. Is utilizing Porn life giving or life taking for myself or for others?
Another quote from the above mentioned study: “In 2006 world pornography revenue was 97 billion dollars, more than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple, and Netflix combined.[14] This is no casual, inconsequential phenomenon, yet there is a tendency to trivialize the possible social and biologic effects of pornography. The sex industry has successfully characterized any objection to pornography as being from the religious/moral perspective; they then dismiss these objections as First Amendment infringements. If pornography addiction is viewed objectively, evidence indicates that it does indeed cause harm in humans with regard to pair-bonding.[2] The correlation (85%) between viewing child pornography and participating in actual sexual relations with children was demonstrated by Bourke and Hernandez.[4] The difficulty in objective peer-reviewed discussion of this topic is again illustrated by the attempted suppression of this data on social grounds.”
It seems to me that it is indeed harmful for ourselves and others. You get to decide what you give your life force to and you get to decide how your behaviors support your life and affect another’s. We could spend hours debating the possible affects and we could fall short of all the different ways humans are harmful to themselves, the planet, other species, and other humans. We can also find balance from the inside to create a better world to live in.
I know this is a challenging topic and there are a plethora of ways to view it. Please keep this in mind if you comment to this article or to others comments. Let kindness guide you.
Blessings to you…